Let’s assume, for a moment, you HAVE a Food Mixer. To the Mixer Bowl Add the Dry Goods
Flour, Yeast, Salt, Sugar.
Give it a stir with whatever you have to hand, Spoon, etc.
Now… To a Jug, bowl, big cup or bucket Add The Wet stuff.
Oil, Vinegar and Water
Find the Microwave…
Heat the Wet Ingredients until they’re WARM…. NOT Hot! If you can’t stick your finger in there without the nail falling off or melting, IT’S TOO HOT!
When you have got it nice and warm, add it to the Dry stuff. Again, using anything, give it a mix BEFORE you let the Mixer get involved. This stops the whole “Getting it off the ceiling” thing when you start the mixer.
Once you are happy it won’t fly everywhere, turn the mixer on. About ½ speed is usually fine.
Check it’s mixing and that it looks ok. Go make some tea, coffee, …. (Wine is ok but only AFTER you have got the stuff together in the bowl.)
You’ve got about 15/20 minutes before you need to take an interest UNLESS your Food Mixer is, like mine, a wanderer. If so, probably best to stay with it!
After the 15/20 minutes, you should be able to ‘Poke it quite meaningfully” with your index finger and it should bounce back.
Put a sprinkling of flour on your worktop/table/floor and tip the contents of the bowl out onto it.
At this point, it will resemble a lump of white clay. Treat it as such. You want it to be smooth, roughly the same shape as the baking tin and, if possible, INSIDE the tin.
Give the top a very light spray of cooking oil, Virgin Olive, for preference but Sunflower, Rapeseed or Crisco is fine.
DO NOT USE WD40 or 10w/30. It affects the taste.
Cover the whole thing with a tea-towel, kitchen paper or anything soft-ish. Don’t use cling film like the ‘Experts’ tell you. It sticks!
Leave it alone for between 35mins and 75mins, depending on the ambient temperature.
Go away. Remember the wine you left? That’s it… finish that. and some more.
About 15 minutes before the end of the time you have set to go and find it again, turn on the oven. 225c or 435f. Place a small, heatproof dish in the bottom of the oven.
When the mixture starts to get a bit too high in the tin, put it in the oven. Give it another spray, this time if water, just lightly enough to damp the top.
Into the little dish tip some water to create steam. This step isn’t strictly necessary, but the mark of a good baker is steamed up glasses and a red face.
Ok. Remember the wine again? You’ve got about 40mins this time.
40 minutes later… A loaf will now be nestling in the tin in your oven….. Well? Get the damn thing out! Put it on a wire rack, the windowsill or just leave it on the floor if you forgot to use oven gloves… Leave it to cool for a while.
After about an hour, eat the thing!
Now you’ve mastered the basic cooking needed, you can start to experiment with Tiger Bread, Giraffe Bread, Rolls, Cottages, French Bread, etc…. Good fun!
If you enjoyed this recipe, comment. If you have blinded yourself or removed the skin from your hands or even been arrested for DUI because of too much Wine…. Still comment. I shall deny liability for everything.